My Crutch

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To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – II Corinthians 12:7-9a

I’ve been told my faith is a “crutch,” as if that’s a bad thing. But right now, as I await getting my hip replaced, it’s the only way I can get around. So, this crutch is my friend. It’s also my teacher.

I have always said, “Wise people learn from their experiences, but the wisest learn from the experiences of others.” However, I’m finding first-hand experiences tend to be more effective. (It’s easier to forget what someone else has been through.) So, maybe that saying wasn’t as wise as I had given myself credit for.

Here are just a few random lessons I’m learning in this “season of the crutch”:

1.) Attitudes change with circumstances, and some attitudes need to be adjusted. I’ve never had anything in my life quite like hobbling around with a crutch to strip away my pride and see myself as I really am. I’ve always known in theory that I am helpless and utterly dependent on the Lord (Who is utterly dependable.), but this experience has forced me to face the reality that I depend on others, too. I have always looked to be the one who helps others, but I am not so good at accepting help. But if it’s more blessed to give than receive, maybe I’ve been hogging all the blessings for myself. Which brings me to …

2.) There is still a lot of kindness in the world. As much as I have struggled with having gone from being the helper to being helped, my heart has been opened to see the kindness of people, often total strangers. They smile, open doors, and offer to carry things for me. Even the simple gesture of being patient as I’m struggling up or down the stairs and slowing them down has touched me, as they reassure me, “No hurry, take your time.” Speaking of which …

3.) Slow down. As my regular readers have probably picked up, there’s a little of the “Martha” in me – going-going-going-doing-doing-doing … (Today we call it ADHD.) Now everything takes much longer. Having to do so many things using one hand is reminiscent of the early days of parenthood and having a baby on my hip. Only babies are a lot more fun than a bad hip. And you can switch sides. These days I’m doing everything with my left hand, which is counterintuitive for me. And speaking of counterintuitive …

4.) Not all pain makes sense to us. A lot of pain is the body’s communication system. Hunger pains say, Feed me! Thirst says, I need water! An intense burning sensation says, Take your hand off the burner, dummy! But there are also times our bodies seem to be screaming at us in a foreign language. At first, the pain of putting my weight on the bad hip meant I needed to sit down, so I would, and the pain would go away – message received. But now there are times when moving feels better and other times when moving makes the pain intensify. And there are those random moments when I’m sitting, relaxing, minding my own business, and the stabbing pain of muscle spasms hit for no apparent reason. It’s like my hip is suddenly screaming, “DO something!” And I want to scream, “DO WHAT?!” Speaking of questions …

5.) Who says pain is a bad thing? OK, this is a little experiment I’m trying in an attempt to cope. Apparently, just praying, “Make-it-stop-make-it-stop-make-it-stop!” doesn’t often produce the desired results. Obviously, I prefer no pain to pain, but why? Pain is an experience, and it’s a pretty novel one for me, different from comfort, and very different from pleasure. So, what if instead of fighting it, I observe it, even embrace it? (At any rate, it’d be a change from “make-it-stop-[etc.]!”) My mind has been coming up with imaginary scenarios, such as an enemy’s inflicting that pain, demanding that I renounce my faith, and I’m looking him in the eye and telling him to go jump in the lake! (Lovingly, of course. I mean, “Go get baptized.”)

This train of thought may seem totally loopy, and maybe it is. I blame the pain. And speaking of blame and other childish things …

6.) I was a very insensitive child. I can remember when I was younger, thinking old people moved slowly just because they were tired or lazy, or they didn’t really have anywhere important to go. In my more impatient moments, I could even imagine that those people slowing me down were being annoying on purpose. (Everything was all about me, you see.) I would occasionally encounter an older person who was grouchy, sullen, and unimpressed with my youthful “cuteness” and bubbly banter. I remember thinking, What’s HER problem? (Although I was pretty good at hiding these thoughts and appearing to be a sweet, kind young lady, these things nevertheless crossed my mind.) Now I realize the real reason a lot of older people move and behave the way they do – they’re in pain! Yes, old people can hurt, too – and I’m guessing they hurt a lot. (Guess how I know?) There’s a good chance at least some of the grouches may have been seeing through my facade, knowing that I was totally clueless, not the godly young lady I fancied myself to be. Perhaps they were thinking, You’ll get your turn, sweetie...

Now my turn has come, and as I said, it’s has been a very humbling experience.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, You didn’t have to come to earth and share our pain and suffering, but You did – even to the cross! We can’t fathom such a great love – taking the punishment we deserve so we don’t have to face an eternity of pain and regret. Although we tend to avoid pain, help us learn the lessons it can teach us, not the least of which is compassion for the suffering of others, in Your name. Amen.

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Published by seekingdivineperspective

I am a forgiven sinner and adopted child of God, seeking to see life from His perspective - as opposed to the world's flawed perspective - and living my life accordingly.

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31 thoughts on “My Crutch”

  1. Annie, a couple things came to mind regarding pain as I was reading. First, I remember reading a book called Where Is God When It Hurts? by Yancey when I was young. One of his main points was, as you said, pain is the body’s communication system. He wrote about lepers who can’t feel pain and how that hurts them, just not in the way people usually think.

    Second, a couple of years ago after my COVID shot, I had a painful shoulder. I prayed that if it was God’s will, that He would take it away; it would be so easy for You to do that, I prayed. Well, instead of doing that instantaneously, He had my doctor tell me that I had frozen shoulder and that I needed physical therapy. I was skeptical at first, but after three-four months, it was almost completely healed, and I genuinely enjoyed talking with my therapists! I can say that I’m genuinely thankful for how He chose to bring about the healing. I very rarely notice any discomfort at all in that shoulder now.

    I have prayed that your hip replacement surgery will go well. Hang in there, sister!

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    1. Keith, I kept thinking about that book, too, about the lepers that had the misfortune of not being able to feel pain, and why pain has to be unpleasant, or we’ll ignore it. (Remember the experiments with lights and bells?)
      I’ve been doing physical therapy twice a day for years – and giving up sugar, and gluten, taking every supplement that claims to be the next miracle arthritis cure, anti-inflammatories, etc. (And yes, I’ve come to know some wonderful people, too.) The doctor I went to for a second opinion said, “Yep, you’ve exhausted all the options.” So I grabbed the last surgery date of the year. (“All I want for Christmas is a brand new hip…🎶”)
      Thanks so much for your prayers.

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      1. I don’t remember the experiments with lights and bells; I read that book when I was young. That reminds me I’m not so young anymore, but that’s OK; I’m more aware than ever that every day brings me closer to heaven.

        And BTW, since you sometimes add stanzas to songs, how about adding the one near the end of your comment?! 🎶

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    2. There were experiments that used a little light or bell as a signal to stop doing something, instead of an electric shock or other painful sensation. They found that the neutral signals were soon ignored, but the painful ones “communicated” much more effectively!
      As for the song, I’ve been singing it in my head for days now.

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  2. Hi Annie, as you may know, my wife recently had her hip replaced and if I hadn’t seen the rapid improvement (as in literally 24 hours or less), I wouldn’t have believed it. Literally amazing! You’ll be surfboarding again in no time! Keep us posted for when you’re going in! Blessings!

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  3. The lessons we learn from going through an experience always etches deeper. Thank you for sharing these Ann. May your hip improve after your surgery and hope you can walk comfortably around.

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  4. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Annie! And I loved your random lessons in the “Season of the Crutch.” However, I’m sorry you had to suffer in order for others to learn from your experience. May God bless you with his healing hand. 🙂

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    1. Thanks, Nancy. ❤ I'm sure plenty of others suffered for me to benefit, too. Of course, the greatest being Jesus. It's good to know our God understands pain firsthand – way more than we do. That's one of the many things we have that no other religion has, a God who has been one of us and identified with us. ❤ ❤ ❤

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  5. I recall a high school student who said Christianity is just a crutch.
    A wiser friend said, “No, it isn’t. It’s a stretcher for those of us who couldn’t even stand with a crutch!”😉. Praying for you in your pain that our Lord will be glorified.

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    1. Ha! That’s pretty much what my prayer partner in Michigan said. That may be more accurate, He does carry us, doesn’t He? Although I can identify with the comic I saw on a church bulletin board, where Jesus was saying, “And where there are just one set of footprints is where I carried you. And that deep rut is where I dragged you kicking and screaming…”

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  7. I get the pain thing and the “Make it go away. Please!” thing. Two knee replacements, 20 years apart, have both resulted in positive outcomes. The first, in 2000, meant that I could walk without pain for the first time since 1972! The second, in 2020 (the other knee), meant that I had to learn about a whole new kind of pain. The pain you describe with your hip has been replaced by nerve pain, that “millions of sharp needles, each emitting an electric shock” kind of pain.

    I had long talks with God about the situation. At first, I ranted about the injustice of it, but eventually, I stopped to listen, perhaps to learn. I’m still working on that, but I have realized that us old folks can handle a lot more “stuff” than we give ourselves credit for.

    Your hip replacement will produce wonderful changes for you, far beyond the relief of pain. I can hardly wait to hear about your new adventures, Lots of prayers coming your way!🙏🙏

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    1. Thanks for your input, Gail. One thing I kept thinking of was how the only regret I had heard about hip or knee replacement was from people who wished they had done it ten years earlier. My severe pain came on quite suddenly. I had been having bad days and (much more) good days and had already scheduled the surgery. Then the morning before Thanksgiving I texted my husband from the bedroom. When he didn’t respond, I called him, and he answered with, “You do know I’m right in the next room, don’t you?” I told him yes, but I didn’t want to yell, and would he please get the walker out from his last back episode, because I couldn’t put any weight on my hip? And that started the whole “adventure” and took away any doubt as to whether I should get the surgery asap. When the pain had been bad most of the day, I questioned out loud why in the world anyone with this kind of pain would wait ten years to get it fixed! I opined that “they must be out of their minds!” (Obviously not as wimpy as I am. 😉 )

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      1. Being a bear of little mind, I am a bit confused. Is the old hip gone? If it has been replaced already, is it as good as new, or at least given you relief from the pain? If you still have the old one, when is the surgery?🤔🧸

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    2. The surgery is scheduled for the 28th. I was having good days and bad days, but my last “bad day” lasted about three weeks! Now I’m walking with a crutch most of the time, but other times I can go short distances without it. Looking forward to starting the new year able to move a little more.
      Thanks so much for your prayers, Gail, and have a blessed Christmas.

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  8. Another post where you’ve pointed out perspective!! You could dwell in despair on the pain and thought of an upcoming surgery or you can lean into Him and focus on the positives, counting the lessons to be learned along the way..just as you’re doing!! And just think, healing hasn’t even happened yet..boy what a lesson there always is within that sweet word!! Can’t wait to hear about what you have to share at that time!!

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    1. Alicia, I was reading my thread after “My Crutch” and realized my response to you was entered as just another comment. I wanted to point that out, so you can read my response, (although I should have said more). I didn’t want you to think your sweet feedback had been ignored! Merry Christmas, sister! ❤️

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  13. I’m sorry for your pain and discomfort. That’s no fun!

    I laughed when I read this, “But if it’s more blessed to give than receive, maybe I’ve been hogging all the blessings for myself.” Exactly! That is wisdom. We all need to learn how to receive, how to allow others to bless us. I love how Jesus tells Peter, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” I find giving to be very easy, my natural state of being, but receiving from others? Not so much.

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    1. I think a lot of women tend to be that way, IB. Have you ever read C. S. Lewis’s description of his view of Purgatory, where men and women were forced to do what was counterintuitive for them? He visualized a giant kitchen with bread burning in the oven, pots boiling over, etc., and the men had to fix it all while the women sat on their hands. 😉

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