Wait for It …

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I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me. – Galatians 2:20 (KJV)

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows how much joy I get out of singing. Ever since I sang in children’s choirs, learned to play the guitar and sing Joan Baez songs, performed in the high school Gilbert and Sullivan production, and joined the choir in college, singing has been one of my greatest joys, especially singing to and about the Lord. In my 30’s I wrote my own songs and tried to get them published. I took trips to Nashville to record demos and pitch my songs to my favorite singers. I’ve sung for women’s groups, weddings, funerals, and church services and in hospitals and nursing homes. Sometimes when I accept an invitation to get together with one or more friends, the next thing said is, “Bring your guitar!”

So, the times in my life I have found myself without a singing voice have seemed like times my world had a big hole in it. I told a story about one such time a while back:

Easter Tears

Another episode happened much more recently, and although it wasn’t as severe as my experience when I was in college, it still frustrated me, especially at church.

Our church doesn’t have a regular choir, except for the Christmas service and Good Friday. The rest of the year, as the music minister explained, the “choir” is the whole church. We are worshiping our God together. Everyone is participating, no one is “performing.” And it works for us. As our church has a remarkable number of good singers, the music minister likes to have the strong voices spread out. That way, worship fills the whole sanctuary. My favorite part of the singing at our church is toward the end of a song, when sometimes the instruments stop playing and 700+ people sing the final verse a cappella, in four parts. It’s like stepping into heaven for a moment and experiencing the unity and harmony of the Body of Christ. Being even a small part of those moments is a blessing I will always be grateful for.

Standing in the midst of such a moment and not being able to sing can be a frustrating experience. (Yes, I realize if this is my biggest problem, I am indeed blessed.)

A few years ago, I had recovered from an especially bad cold. Sinusitis had morphed into bronchitis, laryngitis – all the usual fun “-itises” that left my singing voice lacking, to say the least. For a while I was just glad to be able to talk and didn’t mention my loss to anyone, since it hadn’t yet affected anyone but me. At church other people’s prayer requests were about much heavier issues. But one night at our home group meeting it was my turn to ask for prayer, and I confessed that I hadn’t been able to participate in the singing at church, and it was breaking my heart. The group prayed for my singing voice to be restored, and I was grateful, possibly hopeful.

But a couple of nights later, one of our granddaughters was spending the night at our house, and as I lay next to her on the bed, she said sleepily, “Nana, would you sing to me?”

I gulped and “gave it the ol’ college try.” But after squeaking out the notes of the first verse, I stopped, and she didn’t ask me to go on. She drifted off to sleep, and I lay beside her, quietly crying.

The next morning, we went to church. As we found seats, the “gathering music” was playing and the worship team sang. The words were printed in the bulletin, so the congregation was welcome to join in. (I usually had.) But most spent that time greeting one another and taking a few minutes to chat before the service.

Of course, once my granddaughter and I were settled, we immediately had to go to the “little girls’ room.” We had taken seats close to the exit, so we could slip out more easily. I hoped we’d get back before the opening song that everyone sang together, because bittersweet as it was, I still wanted to hear the singing, even though I couldn’t join them.

When we came back into the sanctuary, the congregation were on their feet and singing the opening lines of a song that had recently become one of my favorites.

My heart leapt and cried: I just have to try! even though I feared more discouragement. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth …

And there it was! My voice was back – strong, pain-free, belting out the lyrics I loved and lived by. The prayers of the home group had been heard and answered, and I was given the desire of my heart – and for one of my all-time favorite songs! ❤

So … what was the song?

“Yet not I, but through Christ in Me.”

This was not my voice, it was His. When I gave my life to Jesus, He took all of it, including my voice, my abilities, my resources, my time, my passions – my everything.

(He IS my everything.)

Anything good I do in this life is not my doing. It’s “not I, but Christ in me.”

Prayer: Lord Jesus, even as I write this, there are tears of joy. Thank You that when Your people sing out Your praises, their song not only blesses You, but it blesses us. I so look forward to the day we will all be together, singing before Your throne! Until that day, may we never treat worship lightly. Let our weekly gatherings always be a joyful celebration of You, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

P.S. This is the song I love so, which I’m hoping will be played at my resurrection celebration (a.k.a., “funeral”) someday:

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Published by seekingdivineperspective

I am a forgiven sinner and adopted child of God, seeking to see life from His perspective - as opposed to the world's flawed perspective - and living my life accordingly.

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35 thoughts on “Wait for It …”

  2. That has got to be one of the most beautiful songs praising our Lord that I have ever heard! I hadn’t heard of it before, nor did I know of “CityAlight” which I now know of (https://cityalight.com/), so thank you so much for that, Annie! I’ve experienced the “abandonment” of joy you speak of in singing, a few times and it is truly a gift from God. So glad and happy that your voice was returned and thank you again, for sharing this! Blessings!

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  3. Great song, Annie! Unlike you, I have no musical skills and can hardly sing at all. I am laughing, because that has not stopped the Lord from using me in the most uncomfortable ways. Somebody smart once said, “God doesn’t chose the equipped, He equips the chosen.”

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    1. Exactly! And He equips us for whatever HE wants us to do. The time I lost my voice completely as a baby Christian in college was the time for me to stop talking and do more listening. Can’t say I did that as well as I should have… 🙄

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  4. Love what God reminded you at that time. Wanting to sing and not having your voice is one thing but being able to and not wanting to. He at times slows us down from all we can do to sit at his feet and listen.

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    1. I realize that now, Manu. Unfortunately, at the time I spent way too much time fighting it. I just wanted to get my voice back so I could talk to people about the Lord the way I thought He wanted me to, not realizing the first step was to talk to HIM about THEM.

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  7. Yes, I know that singing is a huge part of worship for you. So glad the Lord healed your voice again. Always enjoy hearing you sing in our church. Will you do this song there anytime soon?

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    1. I’m afraid you’re asking the wrong person, Deb. (Technologically challenged. :/ ) If it helps any, the link was not for my singing, it’s a group that my church gets a lot of our songs from. You can google “Yet Not I, But Through Christ in Me,” by City Alight. Hopefully that’ll get you there.

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  9. I love you PS here. I’ve delivered all kinds of songs for memorial services in my time. Some were pop songs the deceased enjoyed, while others were hymns from childhood. Recently I helped my mom with her funeral plans. She has dementia, so she couldn’t decide on a title. I knew it would be a hymn. She always enjoyed “No More Night” which was popular in the 80’s and 90’s. I felt the Holy Spirit push me toward an idea I was not thinking about at the moment. I told her how that for the first time in the history of our families, there will be many at her service who are either without Christ, or have been away from His leading for decades. In fact, there will be some who claim to be agnostic. I went on to consider avoiding doing a song about heaven, or how “Glory filled your soul…”, and have songs performed which teaches WHY you are in heaven. I proposed the thought of witnessing musically to family who need to either rediscover their faith, or find newness of life via lyrics chosen. She liked the idea. So, I will be considering teaching lyrics. Hopefully, I have the time to do the research. -Alan

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    1. Alan, I always think of weddings and funerals as opportunities to share the gospel, as these are the only time some people go to church. Also, the death of a friend or loved one makes people think about the brevity of life, the certainty of death, and wondering what’s next.
      Another idea I’ve heard lately, which I plan to incorporate into my funeral instructions: Choose pallbearers who are not believers and that you’re not sure will make it to the service unless they have a job to do. 😉

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  12. Music has always been an important part of my life, too, Annie. How frustrating it must have been to go for weeks without being able to sing! But what a glorious moment God chose to give your voice back to you. We’ve sung “Yet Not I” at our church too. Such inspiring lyrics set to a stirring melody!

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  13. Thanks, Nancy. The Lord knows how OCD I can be, so maybe that’s why so often attention to details shows what “God moments” those are. Yes, I love how He can make a statement even in His timing, if we’re paying attention.

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