Some New Year’s Tips for Atheists

When you ask, you do not receive, because …

                                                                                                        James 4:3a

To my atheist friends:

While the Christians in your life are talking about doing more in the new year to get closer to God – praying more, reading the Bible more, etc. – do you just wish you could get to the end of this coming year having proven to them that prayer is useless, that God doesn’t answer prayer, because there IS no God? Here’s a suggestion:

You could spend the year “praying” to their “God” and at the end of the year tell them that He didn’t answer a single one of your prayers. It may not dissuade them from their faith, but at least it might get them to leave you alone about it.

Oddly, the Bible gives some helpful guidelines on how to make sure your prayers don’t get answered. Here, then, are the

Top Ten Ways to Guarantee Your Prayers Won’t Get Answered*                                                        (With Apologies to David Letterman)

[10- 1/2, if you’re a married man: Disrespect and mistreat your wife. (I Peter 3:7) ]

10. Give God tiny bits of your leftover time and second-rate resources, and reserve the best for other things. Squander your time, but hoard your stuff; don’t tithe. (Malachi 3:8-10) Fill your day/mind with secular media nonstop, so God can’t get a word in edgewise. (Romans 12:2)

9. Avoid that person you’ve been having a problem with, or who has a problem with you. (Matthew 5:23 & 24)

8. Accuse God of not understanding how important this is; He’s just not as smart as you are. (Isaiah 55: 8 & 9) Believe that health and wealth are the most important things, and if you aren’t healthy and wealthy, God must not care about you. (II Corinthians 12:7-10)

7. Ask once. Then if nothing happens right away, give up. Say, “See? I knew it wouldn’t work.” (Luke 18:1)

6. After saying “Amen,” immediately tell yourself all the reasons God’s probably not going to answer. For extra assurance, tell others, too. (James 1:6 & 7)

5. Keep God confined to one small area in your life, away from all the everyday events and far from any guilty pleasures, bad habits, and secret sins; He wouldn’t want to be around all that stuff, anyway. (Psalm 66:18)

4. Make a list of all the bad things that have been done to you, and who did it. Memorize it and recite it often. Share it with others and invite them to be offended with you. (Mark 11: 24 & 25)

3. Ignore what God has done for you in the past, or complain about the way He did it or about what He hasn’t done. Whatever you do, don’t be grateful! (Philippians 4:6)

2. Ask not what you can do for God; ask what He can do for you.(James 4:3)

… and the Number One way to make sure your prayers don’t get answered:

Don’t pray. (James 4:2)

And now I’m going to close with a prayer for my friends who are believers:

Prayer: Lord God, we know You hear every one of our prayers, even those that are foolish. Thank You for not giving us what we ask for when we ask foolishly. We acknowledge that You know what’s best for us, You desire what’s best for us, and You are able to do what is best for us. All-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful God, thank You that You are for us, not against us, in Jesus’ name. Amen.


*Excerpted from BARRIERS (So, if prayers are so powerful, how come mine don’t get answered?)      by Ann Aschauer, available on Amazon, or directly from the author (yours truly). Email me at for details.

47 thoughts on “Some New Year’s Tips for Atheists

    1. That’s who it was originally written for, David. It’s an appendix from my book “BARRIERS (So, if prayers are so powerful, how come mine don’t get answered?)” By the time the reader has arrived at that part of the book, (s)he SHOULD know better. This was a review of sorts. Just thought I’d post it today for atheists who don’t want to get caught proving the opposite of what they assert. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Great idea! Yes, know your limitations. If you’re even interested in the book (“BARRIERS (So, if prayers are so powerful how come mine don’t get answered?)” ) let me know. I’d be happy to send you a copy, since you missed the book signing in September.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think most of us can say that, Debi Sue. At one time I had this list printed as a bookmark, but with questions instead of “advice” (“Am I giving God leftovers of my time?” etc.) as a sort of checklist for troubleshooting when praying, or when wondering why our prayers aren’t seeing results.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. First, congratulations on your book Ann!! I think I’ve been guilty of every single item on this list at one time or more. Not proud!!! I pray your book has success; since it’s sold out on Amazon, I guess it must be a huge success!! Double congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You could spend the year “praying” to their “God” and at the end of the year tell them that He didn’t answer a single one of your prayers. It may not dissuade them from their faith, but at least it might get them to leave you alone about it.

    Oddly, the Bible gives some helpful guidelines on how to make sure your prayers don’t get answered.

    Well myself and hundreds of thousands of others like myself? Can answer this. As we were being raped and tortured and brutalized in a church by a Christian priest or pastor? We all begged and prayed to god and Jesus to save us from what was happening to us. And I guess we all must have been praying wrong huh? Cause not once did god or Jesus answer us.

    Now, Christians tell us that if god or Jesus does not answer our prayers? Then our prayer went against their will and plans for us. Which would then mean? Logically? That god and Jesus wanted us to be raped and that was their plan for us, otherwise? They would have answered our prayers right?

    Then? They will also say God tests us and never gives us more than we can handle. Well? Someone better clue god in on something. Because thousands upon thousands of these victims? Have committed suicide because of it. So I guess god did give them more than they could handle huh?

    Now here are a couple of observations I have made on this.

    1. If the sincere prayers by a child to god cannot stop sexual abuse by a man of god, then what good is god?


    2. God is the name given to the cold, dead silence that answers the prayers of a child being raped by a priest or pastor.


    1. I’m sorry you feel that way, and I’m sorry I don’t have an answer that will satisfy you. I am SO sorry you went through the things you did, and I can’t give you a reason for why horrible things happen in this fallen world. I do know that many times out of those unspeakable horrors come unbelievable good. Although I am not personally qualified to address certain issues, like the experience of a concentration camp, there are those who are. (Check out Corrie Ten Boom’s book “The Hiding Place.”) I only know from my own life that things I couldn’t understand or accept have often turned out for my good once God allowed me to see things differently. And I’ve come to know Him well enough to trust Him with what I can’t understand (yet). I guess like Peter I have to ask, “Where else would I go?” (John 6:68)
      If you are open to exploring the problem of pain, the book “Where is God When It Hurts?” does a great job of addressing the issue without the exasperating sugar-coating that some Christian writers are prone to use.


      1. Let me clue you in on god.
        God did not care about fetuses, infants and children in the bible. He had them brutally murdered, either by his own hand or by ordering his followers to either rip the fetuses out of the wombs of pregnant women, or smashing the bodies of infants and children against rocks to murder them.
        He did not care about the people of Gilead, when his Tribe of Benjamin went into that town and slaughtered all the inhabitants, including the animals, save the virgin girls. Because hey, the tribe did not have any virgins to marry? And they raped these virgins and forced them under Levitical law to marry them. But your god did not care about this now did he? This was the way they got their virgins to marry. Nor did god care about the virgin dancing girls of Shiloh the tribe of Benjamin also kidnapped and raped and forced into marriage because they did not get enough virgins out of Gilead for all the men.
        God, in his infinite mercy and wisdom? Sicked two she bears on 42 kids, having those kids torn to shreds and devoured by the bears. And what was their death penalty punishment for? Calling Elisha, a supposed prophet? A bald head.
        God, in his infinite mercy and wisdom? Had virgin boys and girls sacrificed and their bodies placed under the foundation stones of the Temple.
        God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy? Had parents eat their own children.

        These are just some of the actions of god. and his Hebrews in the bibles Old Testament. I could post a whole lot more too. Rapes of virgins, death penalty punishment for women who are raped and do not scream loud enough, a concubine who was allowed to be gang-raped and then hacked into 12 pieces and each piece sent to a Tribe of Israel….and on, and on, and on. Or even gods murder of the innocent first born of Egypt after he messed with the Pharohs heart and free will, who actually was going to set free the Jews numerous times, but god got his heart heardened. So essentially God murdered the first born of Egypt by messing with the Pharoahs free will.

        This is the god YOU worship. This is a god I would NEVER bow down to worship. It would be my duty as a moral being? To hunt it down and destroy it.

        And? If you had read any of these stories in any other book besides the bible? YOU would call this god? A monster.


      2. turned out for my good once God allowed me to see things differently.

        Tell that to these people. Oh wait, you cannot. Why? Because what they went through? What your god allowed them to go through at the hands and dicks of these degnerate, perverted, pedo priests and pastors in the churches? All are dead because they committed suicide.

        Voices From the Grave: Suicide Victims of the Roman Catholic Church

        And then? You got tens of thousands of more victims of god, Jesus, pedo pastors who raped them in churches and have also committed suicide. You ought to look up the Children of God, Jehovah Witnessess, Southern Baptists Conventions, Bob Jones University victims, etc, tens of thousands who saw things differently and blew their brains out, hung themselves or committed suicide in other ways.

        And then? You got all the victims of disgusting Christians in the schools? In the Industrial Homes and Schools, in the Magdalene and Good Shepherd Laundries, in the Women’s and Children’s Homes of the Roman Catholic Church, or all similar institutions ran by Christian denominationals, such as their First Nation Industrial Schools in Canada or the US where tens of thousands of innocent Native American children suffered brutal deaths by Christians?

        Houses of complete and utter horror, forced slavery, rapes, gang rapes, gang beatings, etc by the Christians who ran them.


      3. Here is what condemns ALL Christians.

        Your Jesus and NT says you are supposed to call out these fake Christians and stand up to them and even? Kicked them out of your religion and turn your backs on them.

        YOU are supposed to stand up and call out all your Pedo Pimp leaders of all your denominations who protected the pedo priests and pastors, demand they be removed, and? Demand they all be arrested and prosecuted for their crimes.

        Same for all the pedo priests and pastors.

        YOU are all supposed to call out your haters, your Christian pastors of Hate and put a stop to them too.

        BUT? We do not see you Christians doing so. Maybe a few of you do, but the majority of you? Are too pussy, to put it bluntly, to stand up to any of this.

        So you leave it to us, who were either victims or survivors of this evil, to do so. Or those who help those of us who went through this. But? Then? You all trash us too.

        As Martin Luther King Jr put it so eloquently.


        Maybe it is far past time for you Christians who declare yourselves the Good and True Christians? Stop passively accepting the evil of the other Christians and start standing with us and protesting these supposed Fake Christians as you call them. And stop trashing us who have the balls and guts to do your job and call out these freaks, these criminals, these perverts, these spreaders of hate and death and bigotry and evil?

        Or is that too much to ask. Seems you all got no problems telling Muslims to do something about their evil Muslims, but you Christians? Do not want to do something about your own evil Christians.


  3. Yeah your disgusting god and you disgusting Christian apologists, who always love to hide behind the No True Scotsman line of apologetics, sure did give me a mission.

    And? I have spent 16 years now on that mission. Standing up to Christian pedophile pimp leaders of all the denominations, without one ounce of fear.

    Standing up and exposing over one hundred thousand Christian priests and pastors busted for raping children, some? Having victim counts in the hundreds, even some? In the thousands.

    Pedo priests and pastors, who raped deaf/mute children, handicapped children, why one even raped a girl on the grave of her father, after this pastor held the funeral services for her father. We have them busted for sex trafficking. We even have them busted for all kinds of other crimes.

    Standing up and working with victims, who are trashed and terrorized by Christians when they come out about what happned to them. Standing up and helping victims go from victims to survivors.

    Standing up for the victims who have committed suicide and helping the parents and loved ones deal with their pain and loss.

    Oh and what have I gone through for all of this that you Christians should actually be doing?

    I was denied custody of my youngest son, after he was taken from his abusive mother, because as the Roman Catholic judge and Roman Catholic CPS worker stated in the hearing decision, because I had been raped by priests? That would mean I would rape my own son. despite the fact I have another son and a daughter who say this is full of crap. Despite having police detectives telling the court I have helped put three dangerous pedos in prison, despite I helped putting child sex traffickers and child porno producers in prison, all of it verified by various law enforcement agencies.

    I was almost put into prison for daring to stand up to that disgusting Bill Donohue of the Catholic League for his vile and evil attacks against us victims and survivors.

    I could go on, like when Christians tell me I deserve to be put to death, to be tortured, etc because I am lying about Christians and how come I do not expose the Muslims. Well people expose the Muslims for it, someone has to expose the Christians for it.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right to be angry. Evil and hypocrisy is rampant. (How people can claim that “everyone is basically good” is beyond me.)
      I’m glad you acknowledge that a few Christ-followers have stood up for the victims. There may be more than you think, just as there are more abusers than most of us know about. And you’re right, I DON’T believe that all people calling themselves Christians are true believers. Jesus Himself said that the majority aren’t. He never, by ANY stretch of the imagination, gave ANYONE permission to abuse the weak – they were the very ones He stood up for. He defended them and called out those who were taking advantage of them. Anyone not doing the same is NOT a follower of His. He predicted that these monsters are going to be very surprised when He says “I never knew you” and sends them to hell for eternity. (Matthew 7)
      As for what’s being done in the here and now, you might be interested to know that a ministry our church is supporting is being promoted this month. They are One More Child, a ministry rescuing victims of human trafficking and preventing others from falling victim. We gave a sizeable donation to them, as did a few hundred other people. The church will continue to raise awareness the rest of the month. Next month they will help another ministry, dealing with another evil.
      It’s hard to keep track of all the evils going on in the world, and we are not all called to the same thing, but we are all called to do SOMETHING. Some are helping the homeless, others are helping women in crisis pregnancies, others helping A.I.D.S. victims, others are helping refugees, others are adopting orphans, and many doctors are going overseas to give free medical care. Jesus said to be the “salt of the earth,” a preservative – not that we can keep the earth from rotting over time, but hopefully we can slow it down a little if each of us does SOMETHING.
      For what it’s worth, I’m praying to Jesus (the REAL one) for you. Praying He will bring you healing, and that you will know how much He loves you.


      P.S. It’s OK with me if we have this dialogue here, just know that I have about 350 followers, and I wouldn’t want to violate your privacy. Sounds like you’ve been violated enough. If you would like to continue privately, you can email me at It’s up to you.


      1. Don’t you think your Jesus could have shown me his love by hitting one of those pedo priests in the forehead with a bolt of lightning, turning him into ashes with his eyeballs bugging out? Especially when they raped me on the very altar of the church?

        Do you think that Jesus showed me any love the day I of the first of many suicide attempts three weeks later, in front of my father? Who also did not believe me, punched me in the face and then? Threw me out onto the streets like garbage at the age of 15?

        Do you think Jesus showed me any love when I finally came out about this and was unmercifully attacked by Christians for this? That I was condemned by Christians as a liar, a gold digger out looking for a payday? Or that because I did not punch out my rapists that meant I not only wanted it, I enjoyed it and am a homosexual because of it?

        Do you think Jesus showed me any love when all three of my rapists got away scott free and served not one day in a jail cell because they hid behind the statute of limitations to deny me justice?

        Do you think Jesus showed me any love the day a Roman Catholic judge and a Roman Catholic CPS worker denied me custody of my youngest son because I had been raped by priests that would mean I would rape my own son and have never been allowed to even speak to him?

        Jesus and god sure the hell did not answer my prayers, cries and screams when those priests were brutally raping me on the altar now did they? What would make me think they would ever answer anything? When they were so damn deaf to me and also? Deaf to far too many others who were raped and tortured and brutalized by Christian priests and pastors.

        YOU all say god and Jesus answers our prayers right? Well they failed to answer about two or three million prayers of children while they were being tortured, raped, beaten, enslaved, and outright murdered by Christian priests and pastors and not once? Did your god or Jesus answer ANY of their prayers to save them. But of course? You all will come back and tell me about free will and how god does not mess with that, or how you cannot explain why your all powerful and all knowing god and Jesus? Failed to answer the prayers of millions of children as they were being raped, tortured, brutalized and murdered by those who called themselves Christians. So your god and Jesus? Have a fail rate with us at 100%


  4. It looks like nothing I say is going to matter to you, including my original apology. And that makes sense, since I’m not a priest who did this, I’m not a man, I’m not even Catholic. You need to know that your abusers are sorry. Well, I can tell you that they ARE sorry. Those who have died without repenting are burning in hell, so yeah, they are VERY sorry, and will be forever. (I can be blunt, too.) The ones who are still living will be, in one way or another.
    There’s a young lady I think you would appreciate, since she was instrumental in bringing down her abuser, who also abused many, many others. He is in prison for the rest of his life because of her courage. I applaud her. I hope you will, too. And I hope and pray you find healing, as she did.


    1. Your apology was accepted and noted. But I am sad that you cannot seem to understand my point. I find it funny you are telling me, an atheist, that according to your beliefs? Those who raped me that night and have died are burning in hell supposedly. That makes me laugh, seeing I know the origin of the myth of the Christian hell, just like I know about the origin of the scapegoat Satan, Christians invented to absolve themselves from ever taking true responsibility for their own evil actions.

      I mean according to you Christians? I too am bound for an eternity in hell because I do not believe in your Bronze Age mythological bullshit fairy tale any more. I do not play the neo-maxi, zoom-dweebie, bullshit game of faith of believing that these ancestors of ours, who wiped their asses with their hands, thought people who were sick were possessed by demons and devils, that women particularly kissed the asshole of Satan and flew around on broom sticks causing storms, miscarriages, etc, or that the freaking sound of thunder and the flash of lightning was some sky daddy talking to them had it all right and were telling us all the truth. I mean fuck, they got all kinds of shit wrong. Why do you take a book that is basically a huge contradiction, along with a religion that is pure fucking hypocrisy and believe in it?

      Here, I will make a deal with you if it will help you sleep well at night because I am an atheist and I do not believe in gawd.

      Honestly? After studying pretty much all the different religions by humans? I would actually choose the Norse Pantheon to believe in and worship. Now those were some bad ass mother fuckers. And their idea of the afterlife? Seriously? Spending an eternity in Valhalla partying with the bros, fighting and having fun, playing with the ladies? Seriously? That is one hell of a better afterlife than bowing down and groveling to a god who does not deserve any worship at all, but only scorn and hate.

      So I will tell ya what? I will now start believing in Odin, Freya, Frey, Thor, Loki, etc. I mean hell, they are more real than your god you worship and believe in and have faith is real…because there is the Marvel Universe series of movies proving Thor and the rest are real lmfao. WTF do you got? A book that has over 400 versions from the supposed One True Religion of 4,200 denominations that you all been killing each over for the last 1,700 years to say which of you are the one true way?


      1. So, I gather you didn’t check out Rachael Denhollander. That’s a shame. She is accomplishing what you claim to be trying to. You would probably like her a lot more than me. But I think you and I are at a point where we must agree to disagree.


      2. I know all about Rachael Denhollander and the Nassar case. I have helped spread her word on my Facebook profile and stood with her and the rest of Nassar’s victims. But here is the difference between her and us. The Statute of Limitations and Sovereign Immunity laws that protect all the Pedophile Pimps and all the pedophiles, all the child enslavers, all the child abusers and all the child murderers of the Roman Catholic Church.

        We KNOW almost each and every Cardinal, Bishop and Archbishop who protected these pedo perverts and moved them from parish to parish, across state lines and even international borders, to protect them and prevent their discovery. And yet? ONLY TWO of them are sitting where they belong, in a prison cell.

        Some of these degnerate priests? Have victim counts in the hundreds, literally, one Archbishop, Hans Hermann Groer? ADMITTED he raped over 2,000 children. Is he in prison for it? NO. He is safely sitting at the Vatican enjoying sovereign immunity.

        We have state legislatures fighting the statute of limitations for child victims, fighting to make changes to those laws that would allow victims and survivors to receive the justice we all deserve. Yet? The RCC and their paid for legislative freaks? Fight these tooth and nail, because the Church knows once their defenses they hide behind, the statute of limitations and sovereign immunity laws were taken from them? Then they would be paying for their Crimes Against Humanity and Crimes Against the Children of the World.

        The difference in Rachel’s case and ours? Is that she and the other victims? GOT JUSTICE, NASSAR IS IN PRISON, WHILE MANY OF US WHO WERE RAPED BY THESE SCUM OF THE RCC? NEVER GOT JUSTICE. All three of my pedo perverts who raped me that night? Not one of them spent one damn day in jail for what they did to me. One? Left the church and got married to a guy. When my private detective tracked him down? His life had been one of all kinds of what would be term as good things. He had two houses, he never once went without a meal in his belly, etc. When the detective interviewed him? He finally admitted what he did and what really happened that night. Then? He put the house up for sale in Maine, where the detective found him, disconnected his phone and went to Florida where his other house, his husband and his real estate business is. And? Even though the detective gave him my address, gave him my phone number, gave him my email address? He never once contacted me to even offer an apology.

        Mine? I was homeless at 15 because of his actions, thrown out of my home. I went days without food at times. I slept under bridges, under house foundations, in abandoned buildings, on the shelters on the Appalachian Trail. All kinds of horrors happened to me, even to this day, because of these three scumbags who destroyed my life that night. And if YOU cannot understand any of this? The complete and utter horror, pain and suffering we who were raped, tortured, brutalized and murdered by these scumbags? If you cannot understand or comprehend the injustice of it all? Then I got nothing more to say to you.

        And if you cannot understand this difference? Then I feel sorry for you because you got no empathy for us. YOU cannot understand what it is like to be denied justice for horrofiying crimes committed against you when you are a child. To be slammed and called a liar, a gold digger, out looking for a payday, or because I was a male who got gang raped by other males and did not punch them out? That means I wanted it, I enjoyed it and I am a homosexual because of it, with all the connotations some scumbag Christian uses with calling me, a rape survivor a fucking homosexual because I got raped by three male priests. Or having my youngest son denied to even be part of my life, because as the Roman Catholic judge said? I got raped by priests and that would mean I would rape my own son.



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